🗣️ Templates for Asking for Recommendations or References

Overcoming the Fear of Asking

It's completely normal to feel a bit anxious when you need to ask someone for a favor, especially something as important as a recommendation or reference. Those feelings are valid, but they don't have to stop you from getting what you need. Here are some thoughts to help you navigate that fear:

1. Reframe Your Thinking

Instead of viewing this as a burden you're placing on someone, try to see it as an **opportunity for them to help you succeed**. Most people who have mentored or taught you genuinely want to see you do well. They often feel a sense of pride and satisfaction when they can contribute to your journey. Think of it as inviting them to be part of your next exciting step!

2. Prepare and Be Specific

A lot of the fear comes from the unknown or feeling unprepared. The templates provided are a great starting point. Before you hit "send" or approach them, take a moment to:

• **Clarify what you need:** Exactly what are you asking for? A letter of recommendation, a reference call, etc.?
• **Explain why them:** Why is *their* perspective valuable? How did they impact you? (e.g., "Your class on [topic] really ignited my passion for [field].")
• **Provide necessary information:** The easier you make it for them, the more likely they are to say yes. Have details ready about what you're applying for, the deadline, and any specific points you'd like them to highlight.

When you feel prepared, it can significantly reduce anxiety.

3. Start Small (If You Can)

If you're really nervous, consider practicing with someone you feel very comfortable with first, even if it's just in your head or by writing out your thoughts without sending them. This can build your confidence before you reach out to the person you need the reference from.

4. Focus on the Positive Outcome

Imagine the positive outcome: getting that recommendation and moving forward with your application! Dwelling on the potential "no" can be paralyzing. Remind yourself that even if they can't help, it's not a reflection of you or your worth. They might simply be too busy, and that's okay.

5. Remember, They've Been There

Most people you're asking have been in your shoes before. They've likely had to ask for help or recommendations themselves at some point in their careers. This shared experience can make them more empathetic and understanding.

6. It's a Professional Request

This is a professional interaction. You are making a polite, well-reasoned request. You are not imposing, but rather engaging in a common and expected part of academic and career progression.

Remember, taking that first step can be the hardest part, but you've got this!